I began spotting Monday 7dp3dt two little red specks followed by pink discharge on my endometrin applicator it went away but by Thursday night (10dp3dt) I had watery dark red spotting. I just knew it was over. I called my IVF Coordinator and asked if I could come in the following day (Friday) even though my beta was scheduled for Monday. I couldn't wait an entire weekend for the inevitable.
I cried most of Thursday night even though I tried my best to prepare for the negative beta. Actually throughout the entire 2ww I *thought* I was preparing myself for the worst, turns out you can never prepare enough. I am sad for the two beautiful embryos that I spoke to daily did not become our children. I wondered what was wrong with me. I felt it was my fault that we did not become pregnant - I appologized over and over to Tom who reassured me that it was no one's fault.
Friday Morning came around we sat in the office and I thought that I felt stronger, I kept repeating to myself "it will be okay, we are okay". Maddie our IVF coordinator came in to the waiting area and asked how we were... My eyes welled up and I shrugged and nodded my head blinking back the tears.
Tom stood by my side during the blood draw and I felt like I had regained my composure. I guess a nurse we had seen before passed by and asked how we were - Tom shurgged and said that I had began bleeding - It was so sad to see him heartbroken I felt the warmth run over my face and again I had to choke back the tears.
Because we were part of a clinical trial, I had to complete a physical and ultrasound (even we all knew it was over). The PA that took care of me when we had our retrieval/transfer did my physical. She had me take a couple of deep breaths to check my lungs then asked if I was all right - I lost it, started bawling... It was so embarassing.
The doctor told the nurse he would speak to us if we wanted. WE WANTED (especially since we live a couple of hours away and I didn't want to come all the way back for this appointment - my friends on the infertility board call this the WTF appointment - I see why it is called that now).
Dr. Sanchez said that he is completely surprised that we were sitting there discussing a negative pregnancy test. He said we had 70% chance of getting pregnant with our first IVF because of everything throughout the IVF was perfect. He said I would be a great egg donor, that Tom's sperm fertilized the eggs naturally and easily, that we had 100% fertilization, that the embryos were fantastic and that if we would have put back three instead of two we would be having a totally different conversation - being pregnant and scared of triplets.
Tom asked if everything is perfect than why can't we get pregnant on our own, why didn't the IVF work we must be missing something. Dr. S said that he believes although my tubes are clear with the HSG that the sperm and egg are not finding each other on a normal cycle. The IVF he believes failed because 50% of all embryos are chromosomally abnormal.
We also found out that the nurse gave me a wrong report. The embryos that they did not freeze was because they did not make it to the blastocyst phase they were morulas on day 5. I asked the him if there was a chance that possibly the ones we transferred (3 day transfer because that is all this office does) did not make it to the blastocyst phase, but he didn't think that was the case.
I asked if there could be something wrong with me and my uterus where the embryos do not implant. The doctor again said no. My lining was great (still want to Google on this... Dr Sanchez also said that no additional testing is necessary before we try with our 3 frosties (frozen embryos). They freeze all three together so they would all need to be defrosted and hopefully we would have two make it out of freeze... if so he said he still would only want to transfer two, but that would be our decision on what to do with the third.
Tom and I discussed it and think we will still transfer all three when we cycle.
I am so scared that the Frozen cycle will not work either and we only have one shot left since all three frosties are frozen together. If they weren't then I probably would have transferred one at a time so we had more shots at a BFP. I am too scared we would lose some trying to re-freeze and thaw. However Dr Sanchez is confident that the FET will work.
If for some reason the frozen cycle is a bust Tom and I will save money for cycles with Dr. T who is local and discuss with him the possibility of genetic testing on our embryos.
IF SUCKS! ~Emily
Monday, November 7th was our 3dt. On Saturday we received our fertilization report, but still had no idea what we would have still going strong until we arrived at the office. We were preparing ourselves for bad news while praying for good news. We had decided on the ride over that I would be happy with 8-10 out of the 16 and Tom being optimistic said we are shooting for double digits. Our IVF nurse met us in the lobby and told us they weren’t quite ready yet but to go ahead and take the valium. Then she mentioned that everything looked fantastic – so I asked “do you have the numbers?” She said we had
Three 8 Cell 0% Fragmented
Nine 8 Cell 5% Fragmented
Two 8 Cell 10% Fragmented
One 12 Cell 5% Fragmented
One 6 Cell 10% Fragmented
Which meant all 16 were still alive! I just squeezed Tom’s hand… we were both speechless! Not only are they all still alive but 14 were 8 cell – the exact size they should be at 3 days past retrieval. We had one Speedy Gonzalez and one who was a little bit lagging… BUT THEY WERE ALL STILL ALIVE – PRAISE GOD!
They brought us back into the same room we waited in before the ER. Again we sat staring at the framed collage of babies on the wall. The IVF Nurse came in and said that they were running behind and that we should be able to start our ET in about 10 minutes. Tom and I wondered if it was the same couple who made our ER run late as well (joking about it kept our mind off of what we were doing, what we were waiting on). I was floating – not only because of the wonderful embryo report but because of all of the water I had drank before the appointment (You must come in with a full bladder for the ET) and boy was mine full!
Finally it was our turn. I returned to the same bathroom with a line of lockers – my locker was available, Locker #2 I though this must be good luck! This time I was able to keep my jewelry on as well as my garments above the waist. I wrapped another robe around my body and returned to the room that just three days before I was there to remove my eggs that are now beautiful embryos! I was greeted by Tom, the RE, and the embryologist (Seth). Seth had to come in and talk to us in person, he said that we kept him busy and we had wonderful eggs and sperm. He believed that we would have 10 to freeze. The doctor also congratulated us on what we had already accomplished. Tom asked why we haven’t been able to get pregnant on our own or with IUI before. Dr. Sanchez stated that sometimes even though my tubes seem clear the sperm do not make there way up, the egg doesn’t make there way down etc. Sometimes we just never find out the reason why we cannot get pregnant on our own. Dr. Sanchez also said that if we ever for whatever reason decided to do another fresh IVF cycle (instead of a Frozen cycle) we would not need ICSI!
So then it was time to begin. I scooted down the chair to get into the perfect position. Dr. Sanchez comment on my perfect uterus and my very full bladder. The nurse pressed down the very cold ultrasound to my lower abdomen… she pressed down from the outside and the doctor pressed up from the inside. He attempted a few different things to get a good angle and decided that my bladder was TOO full. Right then the embryologist stuck his head out of a little cubby hole that is in the wall between the embryologist room and the retrieval/transfer room, to see if the Doctor was ready to be handed my precious embryos. I couldn’t help but imagine the Wizard from the Wizard of Oz sticking his head out of the door to the Emerald City and chuckled to myself. The doctor explained to Seth, the embryologist, that I had to empty “ a little “ out. Oh, sure Doc no problem… I was actually kind of happy as I skipped down the hall to the restroom looking forward to relieving a bit of the pressure. I was always told not to stop peeing once you have started as that will cause urinary tract infections, so this was not something I was accustomed to. TMI Warning: I let a little out, but still had to go pretty badly, so I let a little more out and began to panic – how much do I let out, have I already let out too much? Will I have to drink more? Oh, well what is done is done; I will just see what the ultrasound says. So I walked back to the transfer room questioning my urinating abilities. The Doctor was no longer in the room but the nurse checked to see what she thought and said we should be good so she went to get the doctor to try again.
Dr. Sanchez returned and explained to both Tom and I that he wanted it to go perfectly, whether that mean I urinate a little or drink more – he wanted to ensure the best possible transfer. I smiled at Tom and we both shook our head in agreement with the doctor. The doctor then said everything looked okay to proceed. I felt a lot of pressure, and kept my eyes closed thinking of accepting these beautiful rockstar embryos into my womb, and at other times I looked at Tom who was stretching to see the ultrasound pictures (he thought my bladder was my uterus so he wasn’t much help LOL). It took a lot longer than IUI’s did, and I appreciate him strategically placing the embryos into my uterus. He printed two pictures (one for my file and one for Tom and I to take home) of our embryos being placed into my uterus. It was the most beautiful picture that I had ever seen. I spent the rest of the day in bed with the love of my life, my furbaby and our two precious embryos.
CD 44 / CD15
Day 7 Doxycycline (10mg twice daily)
It doesn’t matter the time of day, with or without meals this sucks!
Day 2 Endometrin (100mg three times daily)
So Easy, but not the most convenient thing in the world
CD 44 / CD16
Day 8 Doxycycline (10mg twice daily)
Yuck!
Day 3 Endometrin (100mg three times daily)
Oink oink I will be a pig – because I am eating everything in sight!
Somewhere over the rainbow, Skies are blue, And the dreams that you dare to dream, Really do come true. ~ Dorothy: Wizard of Oz
