In two days I will be able to test yet again to see if this my sixth medicated, fourth IUI cycle has worked. I hate to say it but I am just so pessimistic about it - since it hasn't worked before, and this time I had only made one follicle, and my lining was just a little over 7mm I just cannot fathom that this cycle has worked. Unfortunately every medicated cycle I get the blues the few days before I am able to test.
Our next step (once this cycle is a confirmed bust), will be a laparoscopy to rule out endometriosis (which I have begged and begged my doctor to do just for peace of mind since he is convinced that there is no possible way that I have endo) followed by two more IUI's before we consider financing an IVF. It is so scary to think how far we have been with nothing to show for it and now how close we are to beginning the next stage in treatments and at the same time IVF is the end of the line for us, if it doesn't work I am not sure how we will handle not having our own biological children and me not ever being able to experience pregnancy. I try not to think of this, and still like to imagine being pregnant, feeling the movement of OUR child stirring inside of me, and dreaming of what characteristics of each other will be passed down to our baby - this is what gets me through the day - HOPE...
There is hope in dreams, imagination, and in the courage of those who wish to make those dreams a reality ~Jonas Salk
7 years ago
