Something New

This cycle we are starting a new regimen, we are adding a couple injections to our cycle. The new drug is called Menopur it is the only FDA approved drug based solely on pregnancy rates! Some women take this instead of Clomid but we are in Dr.T’s words adding it in “baby steps”. So from day 3-7 I will be taking Clomid at night, and on day 6 & 8 I will take an injection of Menopur. I will not be taking Estrogen Suppositories like I did last month though, the injections are supposed to also help with my lining. I am pretty nervous about giving myself the first injection on Thursday; Tom has a softball game that night so I am on my own. I loathe needles, so it should be pretty interesting giving myself an injection – what us women do to have babies! On Monday I have my first follie scan which will be CD10, we are hoping to achieve our goal of 4 healthy follies and our ultimate goal of a positive beta!
Information on Menopur: www.ferringfertility.com/medications/menopur/

Willie Nelson said “Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones you’ll start having positive results.” I am going to live by this theory this month & try to avoid anything negative at all costs. It will be interesting to try and stay positive and stress free. I think it will not only be great for my body and our baby making capabilities but also my soul. I believe in thinking positively and unfortunately it’s hard to stay optimistic while going through IF not just because of disappointments but also because of unknowing what the future holds. Last month I was trying so hard not to get my hopes up that I became a little bitter and very pessimistic; which does nothing for a person. So this month I am trying to live by my own rules and those of the great Willie Nelson and enjoy life, appreciate what I have, and think positively toward the future. So save your drama for your Mama and leave your crap at the door.

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty ~ Winston Churchill

All Aboard the IF Rollercoaster

Here we go again yet another nose dive. Every day more then the last I am ready to get off of this ride. This is definitely not an exhilarating, hands in the air while laughing ride, nope it’s more like a haunted house version of “It’s a small world”. So this Sunday morning (12dpiui) I decided to take yet another pregnancy test. There it was staring back at me another stark white test that was all too familiar of a sight. It is probably the strangest thing how all of your hopeful thoughts about IF are still there but once you see a negative test all of those good feelings just get pushed to the back of your head, waiting there until the next cycle until you can scrounge them up again. I knew before I took the test that it was going to be negative, call it ESP, women’s intuition, or just being intune with your body but this entire cycle I ‘knew” that the first IUI didn’t work. I laid there in bed arguing with myself about taking the test. I knew that the negative would hurt no matter if I already knew what that’s what it was going to be or not, but I thought if I didn’t take the test I would be kicking myself all day wondering or not if the test was positive – and it’s so hard for me to hold my pee for 4 hours. So I did it and it hurt worse then I imagined it would. I *try* not to think about it… I try to be numb to the situation but when you invest so much into something you want so deeply it’s so hard not to get upset. So tomorrow I will call Dr. T’s office and see if they still want me to come in for a blood pregnancy test or if I can just schedule my next baseline u/s once my period starts and the IF cycle roller coaster will start at the beginning yet again.

Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending. ~Carl Bard

A New Perspective

I believe that you fall so that you can learn how to pick yourself up. The journey of infertility has opened my eyes to so many things on different levels. Infertility treatment, meds and schedules are like second nature to me now and are just a part of my everyday life - as crazy as it sounds this has become my “normal”. It is incredible to think that we are given an amazing ability to create life out of “thin air”. When you are going through infertility you forget how easy it is supposed to be. Since our path of trying to conceive has led us to a doctor’s office and treatment; I am now in awe when I hear that a couple is able to get pregnant on their own after only a month or two of “trying” and especially when it was an “oops”. It seems to me that something as miraculous as the creation of another human being is nothing short of amazing and should take some time, hope, prayers, maybe even science and definitely a lot of love. I am not sure why God has chosen my husband and I as one of the unfortunate couples who require medical intervention to become parents, I have stopped asking myself and God those questions. I do believe however that waiting not only makes you hope more and pray harder it teaches you to have patience; disappointment makes you appreciate the great things already in your life; suffering teaches you compassion and understanding. I know that all of these things will make us better parents, so although infertility was not a path Tom and I chose for ourselves we will learn from our journey while we look toward our destination because I know that it is possible and one day we will have our own little bundle of miracle.

Learn from yesterday, Live for Today and Hope for Tomorrow ~ Albert Einstein