Infertility on Mother's Day

Mother's Day is this weekend so I thought I would share this poem that I found. It is especially for all of the ladies out there who are also using 'hope' to cope with this Mother's Day.

“Happy Mother's Day” it comes around every year; but when you have empty arms, it's very hard to hear. It's a day to celebrate a mother, for all the trials she overcame; and a reminder to an infertile of her loneliness and shame. But what really makes a mother, Is it just conception and birth? Or is there something more, that shows a mother's worth? It's putting your child first, in everything you do; it's sacrifice and determination, and love and patience too. An infertile woman makes all her plans, around a child not yet conceived; she loves them even though they aren't here, more than she ever could have believed. She appreciates and understands, what a blessing that children are; she works hard for just a chance, that motherhood is not that far. All odds are stacked against her, and yet she still has hope; everyday is another struggle, finding ways to help her cope. So even though her arms are empty, she can still be a mother too; So say a special “Happy Mother's Day” for those waiting for their dreams to come true!

Groundhog's Year

Much like the Bill Murray movie Groundhog Day I feel as if I am living the same series of months over and over again. Today Tom and I went in for our baseline ultrasound and blood work... and yet again they found cysts - two to be exact both on the right ovary. I am still not quite sure how I managed to have two cysts at 22mm and 12mm since last cycle he only saw one follie on the left side, but the two cysts were visible enough for me to see them on the monitor during the scan. So yep that's right you guessed it; another cycle off. Tom always looking for the silver lining said that it was probably better since this month is my birthday. However I was very disappointed. Dr. McNichol said that a word of advise would be to do see how economical it is to continue doing IUI's instead of saving up a few or more cycles for IVF. I guess that is the thought he left us with to think about over this next medicated-free cycle.

I got you to hold my hand, I got you to understand, I got you to walk with me, I got you to talk with me, I got you to kiss good night, I got you to hold me tight, I got you I won't let go, I got you to love me so. I GOT YOU BABE ~ Sonny & Cher

New Regimen = New positive outcome (hopefully)

It’s difficult to not let infertility consume you when you feel like you are swimming in a sea of ultrasounds, blood work, pills and needles. How do you remain a woman, a wife, a daughter, and a friend without being the woman with infertility, the infertile wife, the daughter who hasn’t been able to produce a grandchild or the friend whose shoes you do not want to wear? To rise above the labels that infertility gives us and conquer the fears, heartache, and pain is not the ultimate goal in the struggle but it is the battle within the war. This is where I am finding myself on a daily basis – struggling to stay just “Me”.

Today is day 1 of my brand new cycle. I am almost completely finished mourning the last one – it’s amusing how much hope and emotional attachment you can project on a cycle as if the child was already there. Maybe the problem isn’t that I do this to myself each and every month but that I haven’t quite learned what is left to learn or for that matter what the lesson even is. I have faith and hope in God and that he has a plan and the past two years of trying were not in vain, but a part of the journey that will lead us to our baby and make us better parents at that.

I spoke to Dr. T by phone earlier this morning. My appointment with Dr. McNichol is on Monday but I feel better under the care of Dr. T, so I wanted to make sure that Tom and I are on the right track before Monday’s appointment. Dr. T went over my cycles with me and said that it might be time to stop doing IUI’s and begin saving for IVF. At this point I just do not feel comfortable with stopping treatment to save for a bigger treatment… although I unfortunately see that this might very well be in our future to do. He advised with four failed IUI’s under my belt the likely hood of an all injectable cycle making that much of a difference is slim but worth a shot. The injectables should help with my lining, which is a plus. I also asked him about a laparoscopy which he advised that although it might be covered by insurance it really would not benefit Tom or myself in our path to parenthood. I show no signs of endo, my tubes are clear, and my biopsy came back normal. He said that if I do have endo it would be so minimal and since there is not obstructions that it really wouldn’t be what he suggests to do because the scarring from any removal of endo could be worse then the endo itself. I am still on the fence about this, but am comfortable moving on with one to two injectable + IUI cycles first before doing a laparoscopy and then pursuing IVF.

So my plan this cycle is to do more low impact exercise on a regular basis, begin our first ever injectable + IUI cycle, keep praying and hoping for a different outcome and when life starts feeling gloomy I will continue distracting myself with two things (other then my hubby) yummy Peach Mango Passion sherbet from Publix and the Outlander book series (I highly recommend both).

Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe. ~ Gail Devers