I WILL have what she is having

Babies in Hollywood seem to be the newest accessory next to miniature dogs in purses; you are not even able to purchase a gallon of milk at the grocery store without seeing the pregnant celebrities and their new babies plastered on the front covers of all the newest tabloids. I have decided that pregnancy in Hollywood is like an epidemic & I would like to take a trip to LA to partake in some of their water or maybe a decaf mocha latte from their local Starbucks in hopes of catching my own baby bump! Hmm now I just have to find the funds that I am not already spending on fertility treatments and convince my hubby that we need a trip to the west coast.

I can’t adjust the direction of the winds, but I can adjust my sails to reach my destination ~ Jimmy Dean

I’ve Got High Hopes

Today is CD2 (Cycle Day) of our 18th cycle trying to conceive. I had my appointment this morning with Dr T, for my baseline U/S (ultra sound). Dr T apologized for last cycle not working and asked how Tom and I were managing things emotionally… I told him we were okay and that while we had some hope we knew that it might not work the first try with clomid especially since we weren’t able to do the IUI. So Dr.T. proceeded with the ultrasound, my ovaries and uterus looked great and I was given the green light to start clomid again this month. What a relief! I was secretly worried about having cysts and having to sit out this cycle. I asked him about my follicle size last month (I had a 30,25&15 on CD12) he said that he would like the follies (follicles) to be 20-22 and mine were much bigger so we will come in on CD9 for the follie scan this month and probably trigger (ovulation induction with an Ovidrel shot) that day as well so we will not miss our window for the perfect eggs to do the IUI with. Since my uterine lining was an 8.1 last month (the lining where the embryo implants) he will not do the IUI unless it’s an 8 and the thicker the better, so he also prescribed me Estrace (estrogen suppositories). However that means they had to drop me from the clomid study, which thankfully it isn’t that big of a deal since clomid is one of my cheapest meds at 15 dollars. So next Friday is my follie scan, and depending on those results we will do the trigger shot and IUI soon after.
After seeing the doctor, I was led into the “education” room with the nurse getting my calendar and instructions for this cycle. A woman in the hall shouted “It’s Twins” they were the lesbian couple that I noticed in the waiting room earlier. I might have let my outside match my insides when I heard the big announcement so it is possible that the nurse noticed, so maybe that is why she looked at me and said “Don’t worry everything looks good, last month was just practice & that will be you very soon! I just know that this is going to work for you!” Although, there is no way of her knowing that for sure it was a great feeling to have an Rn that see patients everyday & who has my chart in front of her telling ME I will be able to have that same excitement with my husband, and soon. It was a great way to end my appointment and I left feeling renewed and hopeful for this cycle!

Links to know more about the meds I will be taking this month:
Clomid - http://www.webmd.com/infertility-and-reproduction/clomiphene-citrate-for-infertility
Ovidrel - http://www.fertilitylifelines.com/serono/products/ovidrel/index.jsp
Estrace – http://www.webmd.com/drugs/mono-6300-ESTRADIOL+TABLET+-+VAGINAL.aspx?drugid=78021&drugname=Estradiol+Vagl
Progesterone - http://www.drugdigest.org/DD/DVH/Uses/1,3915,7353%7CProgesterone%2BVaginal%2BSuppositories%7C5308,00.html

Sometimes someone says something really small, and it just fits right into this empty place in your heart.
~ Angela Chase

Waiting to Begin

Today AF is officially two days late. As you can imagine this morning it wasn’t like I had a little voice in my head telling me to pee on a stick but an entire crowd chanting Test, Test, Test…so I did and of course it was a Big Fat NEGATIVE; even after I held it up to the light, stared at it for more then the allotted time and tilted back and forth, it couldn’t be any more stark white then it was. Unfortunately it’s a familiar sight, after this being the 17th cycle of seeing it I almost feel like I am in that movie Groundhogs Day. Most of me knew that it was going to be negative, and I prepared myself for it but a small part of me was still holding out hope that it was going to work this cycle even without the IUI. This is the first time that my cycle has gone this long but it is also my first medicated cycle and obviously clomid has made my LP (luteal phase) longer. I guess technically clomid did it’s job just not the way that I would like it to and I haven’t decided completely if clomid is my friend or a backstabbing & manipulative drug. Of course I would rather not spot before AF, and I loved having 3 follicles instead of one but I do not like how clomid tricks my mind and body into thinking that it’s pregnant and I hate how long it made this cycle. So now I am anxious to start a new fresh cycle, disappointingly I still have to wait for AF so that I can schedule a baseline ultrasound (normally day 2 or 3 of your cycle) and see if the next cycle is a "go" for more clomid and hopefully a trigger shot and IUI. I have so much faith in this upcoming cycle working; I just hope and pray that all of the emotion and time that my husband I have invested will be worth it at the end of next cycle.

I have always been delighted at the prospect of a new day, a fresh try, one more start, with perhaps a bit of magic waiting somewhere behind the morning ~JB Priestly