Same Old Same Old...

In two days I will be able to test yet again to see if this my sixth medicated, fourth IUI cycle has worked. I hate to say it but I am just so pessimistic about it - since it hasn't worked before, and this time I had only made one follicle, and my lining was just a little over 7mm I just cannot fathom that this cycle has worked. Unfortunately every medicated cycle I get the blues the few days before I am able to test.

Our next step (once this cycle is a confirmed bust), will be a laparoscopy to rule out endometriosis (which I have begged and begged my doctor to do just for peace of mind since he is convinced that there is no possible way that I have endo) followed by two more IUI's before we consider financing an IVF. It is so scary to think how far we have been with nothing to show for it and now how close we are to beginning the next stage in treatments and at the same time IVF is the end of the line for us, if it doesn't work I am not sure how we will handle not having our own biological children and me not ever being able to experience pregnancy. I try not to think of this, and still like to imagine being pregnant, feeling the movement of OUR child stirring inside of me, and dreaming of what characteristics of each other will be passed down to our baby - this is what gets me through the day - HOPE...

There is hope in dreams, imagination, and in the courage of those who wish to make those dreams a reality ~Jonas Salk

Busy Bee

I have been trying to keep busy this cycle off while waiting for the cyst to go away, during my time away from blogging...

Tom and I went away for a long weekend to Palm Coast for our 3rd year anniversary. It was fantastic and definitely nice to get away from everything at home and focus on each other without the stress of everyday life. I am not saying that we needed to reconnect but it was absolutely incredible to focus on our love for each other, rather then constantly thinking of our next step with infertility.

However our mind couldn't slip away that long from our journey with infertility. We attended an IVF seminar that our RE's office has each month. We learned quite a bit and overall we were both excepting of this as being a possible next step as well as having a bit of anxiety about it all. If we had IVF coverage with our insurance I know that it would be a much easier step for us to take, however the financial burden is very scary.

Besides his medical office our RE also has a charity organization that gives away 3 IVF cycles a year. We submitted our application yesterday (it was due today). It took me two weeks to get all of the necessary information together and it was definitely the hardest letter that I had ever and will possible ever write. I wanted it to be perfect and in a lot of ways I feel like I was trying to put all of the effort and emotion of the last two years into a letter (without writing a novel). I didn’t expect for it to take an emotional toll on me as it did, but let’s face it - this one letter/application can be life changing. I am still not sure that I conveyed our message and desire to have a child as much as I wanted to in the letter. We will be anxiously waiting until the fall to find out if we have been chosen.

Currently we are waiting for AF to arrive so that we can begin our next cycle, and hopefully not need the grant after all!

Submitting yourself to positive distraction is like a nap for your soul ~Unknown

Stupid Cyst

On Thursday, Tom and I went in for our cd2 Ultrasound. Unfortunately, I have a substantial cyst on my right ovary. So we will not be having fertility treatment this cycle. For those of you not familiar with corpus luteums cysts here is some information :

An ovarian cyst is a collection of fluid within the ovary that is surrounded by a thin wall. Many types of ovarian cysts exist, and many do not exhibit any symptoms. Ovarian cysts can be small or large in size but usually range from pea-sized to grapefruit-sized.

Most ovarian cysts are harmless and benign. They can occur in women of any age but most often affect women who are in their childbearing years. Some ovarian cysts can rupture, bleed or cause pain and may need to be removed through surgery.

One type of ovarian cyst is the corpus luteum cyst. A corpus luteum cyst occurs when an egg is released from the follicle. Usually this type of ovarian cyst is found during a pregnancy ultrasound or during a routine pelvic exam.
Corpus Luteum Cyst in Pregnancy & Conception
Corpus luteum cysts form after an egg is released from the follicle, which then releases the hormones progesterone and estrogen that prepare the body for pregnancy. If no pregnancy occurs, the corpus luteum will most likely break down and disappear on its own.

Women who are on birth control pills usually do not form corpus luteum cysts, as birth control pills prevent ovulation.

If pregnancy does occur with a corpus luteum cyst in existence, the pregnancy will most likely not be prevented or impeded in any way. In fact, certain fertility drugs that induce ovulation actually increase the appearance of corpus luteum cysts.
Symptoms of Corpus Luteum Cysts
A corpus luteum cyst is typically round and fluid-filled, ranging in size from 2 centimeters to 6 centimeters or more in diameter.

Most often, corpus luteum cysts will not cause any symptoms. They will occur at the end of a women's menstrual cycle, last into the early stages of pregnancy and then slowly resolve themselves without complication or treatment by the time the second trimester arrives.

However, in some cases a corpus luteum cyst may expand by filling with blood or liquid and attach itself to the ovary. The corpus luteum cyst may still exhibit no symptoms, but in some cases may grow, bleed or twist the ovary. This may cause pain in the pelvis or the abdomen and may require surgery.

Corpus luteum cysts also have the potential to rupture, which would cause sudden and sharp pain and some internal bleeding.

Women with corpus luteum cysts should not be concerned unless extreme pain or bleeding occurs. Most symptoms are mild or non-existent. However, if you experience serious symptoms, seek emergency care.

In most cases of corpus luteum cysts, everyday activities can still be maintained and the woman's life will not be affected. Some medical professionals may recommend avoiding sex until the corpus luteum cyst has resolved itself, because sex may cause a corpus luteum cyst to rupture.

Discussing any questions or concerns with a medical professional is the best way to understand a corpus luteum cyst and to be aware of any activities that you should or should not be doing.

The greater the obstacle, the more glory in overcoming it. ~ Moliere