Super Tuesday

If you haven't done so already... Do not forget to vote!

"Ask not what your Country can do for you... Ask what you can do for your Country!" ~John F Kennedy

A story too close to home...

Today while checking the local news online I came across this story...

Deputies: Mother Suffocated Newborn
Baby Found In Trash
POSTED: 10:10 am EST November 3, 2008

FOUNTAIN, Fla. -- A Florida Panhandle woman suffocated her newborn and threw his body in the trash, Bay County sheriff's investigators said.
Stephanie Collins, 26, concealed her pregnancy from family and friends, deputies said.
Collins gave birth late Saturday, killed the baby and then dumped him in the trash, deputies said. The body was found by her grandmother.
Deputies said Collins had a previous abortion and didn't want to have another. She has a 9-year-old son. Detectives said she will be charged with murder.
Under Florida's Safe Baby Act, Collins could have left the baby at a hospital, fire station or other state-designated place within three days without fear of prosecution.
Investigators said Collins knew about the law but decided to "stick with her original plan."

Stories like this have always and will hit hard with me. However dealing with infertility things like this throw me over the edge, it infuriates me to tears. I desperately try not to question God, and do believe that everything happens for a reason. I have even come to terms with my infertility not being the fault of Tom, Myself or God. However I cannot for the life of me understand how on earth a woman could do this, why was she blessed with a child yet there are so many couples that would be the best parents in the world who have infertility. I just cannot comprehend why this had to happen and why whoever needed to learn a lesson from this had to learn in this manner - why did a helpless baby have to suffer? So many childless couples search out babies to adopt and this baby didn't have to be any different - it could have been adopted by a wonderful loving family and could have had a terrific life. Unfortunately instead the few minutes the child had lived was spent suffering struggling to survive and at the hand of his own mother. This woman is the lowest life form imaginable, she should have never had the priveledge of having the name "Mommy". I know that it's not my place to question God's plans and I hate this woman for making me do so. The only comfort I have is knowing that this child will no longer suffer as he plays among the angels in heaven.

In the same light this makes me remember what a friend I made over on the TTC board on thenest.com said that I hold close to my heart whenever I feel this way "we must have some AMAZING babies coming in the future...because satan wouldn't be working so hard to keep them out of this world!!"

A new cycle with a cyst...

After being mad and discouraged after this past failed cycle I went over and over in my head if I wanted to take a cycle off or not. Well Tom and I sat down and discussed and agreed to continue treatment this cycle. I went to my baseline ultrasound this past Monday. Well I have a considerably good size cyst on my right ovary. Dr.T said its up to me but he suggests not using medical intervention this cycle because our chances of conceiving are lower because of the cyst... but of course that we could continue to try on our own this cycle. For some strange reason it was a huge relief for me. I haven't realized how much pressure I have felt that I was under since starting the treatment. I am looking forward to taking this cycle off and getting back to basics.

We might even be able to conceive on our own - what a concept, I am constantly reminding myself that most people do conceive the old fashioned way! I found a couple things online that I want to give a whirl. One is a Mayan abdominal massage, being a licensed massage therapist I looked into it and found alot of credible information regarding this massage. I am going to try and do a self massage daily but am also currently searching for an LMT in the area that has gotten the creditation for this specific massage. I am also going to try Castor Oil packs. Apparently you get a piece of cotton like an old t-shirt pretty damp with the castor oil and then apply it to your abdomen, next you cover it with a piece of plastic like a shoping bag, then a towel and ont top of that a heating pad. You are supposed to do it at least 30 minutes daily for 3-5 days a week (but not 5 days before AF or during AF). Its *supposed* to help with cysts as well as detox your liver, uterus and fallopian tubes. I am also drinking green tea again and will probably add raspberry leaf tea on Sunday.

Mayan god of Fertility

Today is Halloween. Tom and I are going to watch scary movies and hand out candy to all of the cute trick or treaters. We were invited to a halloween party and although I am feeling rejuvinated this cycle I would rather not be around a bunch of people let alone their kids.

Tomorrow I am going to use my gift certificate that my incredible husband purchased for me 7 months ago for our anniversary - yes I am a slack ass. I am looking forward to being pampered tomorrow with a facial, mani + pedi and eyebrow waxing. It's so nice to have a cycle off to be normal without all of the pills and shots. Who knows all of this extra homeopathic remedies and a month off might just do the trick :) Wish us luck!


Viatality shows in not only the ability to persist but the ability to start over. ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald