MISSION: Optimism

I need to learn how to not let negativity and doubt flood my thoughts. Anytime I explain the IVF process, a little voice in my head follows with something negative… it is possible that my Google-ing addiction is to blame. You see, I have found myself submerging myself into other ladies experiences with IVF. Case in point, DH and I are running errands and we were discussing IVF and Lupron and our next appointment. So as I explain how Lupron is suppressing my ovaries, and how the blood work next appointment will confirm that I have been suppressed correctly so that I can start the stimms and begin making follies/eggs J… just as I finish this statement, a little voice says “yes as long as you are not over stimulated” ~ stupid know-it-all voice! I cannot say that I am totally pessimistic, I am hopeful that this IVF will work and that this will be the answer to our prayers. Sometimes I pointlessly walk into the spare bedroom just to imagine how nursery furniture would be arranged, I do math in my head to try and figure out a due date, and I dream of how we would announce our pregnancy. However, the other part of me doesn’t want to get my hopes up, I want to be a realist so that if it does not work, than my entire world will not feel like it is completely crumbling around me. After all in the four years of trying to conceive we have never achieved and a pregnancy at this point it is feels impossible. Although, if it doesn’t work I am not sure being a realist will protect me from being completely devastated. But, if I am going to be a realist than I have to also know that other than properly taking the meds as I am prescribed, I have no control of whether this IVF will work or not. I must have faith because no one got anywhere with negativity. I have to leave it in the hands of God because he is the only one who knows for sure. So from this point forward call me cautiously optimistic.

CD26
Day 24 of BCP (Loestrin24)
A bit nauseous, nothing new – last pill tonight!!
Day 3 of Lupron (20units, subQ injection)
Preparing the syringe and letting it sit for a few minutes before
injecting it really seemed to help! No burning, no itching and no
bruising. By George I think I’ve got the hang of this!

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. ~ Winston Churchill