Waiting to Begin

Today AF is officially two days late. As you can imagine this morning it wasn’t like I had a little voice in my head telling me to pee on a stick but an entire crowd chanting Test, Test, Test…so I did and of course it was a Big Fat NEGATIVE; even after I held it up to the light, stared at it for more then the allotted time and tilted back and forth, it couldn’t be any more stark white then it was. Unfortunately it’s a familiar sight, after this being the 17th cycle of seeing it I almost feel like I am in that movie Groundhogs Day. Most of me knew that it was going to be negative, and I prepared myself for it but a small part of me was still holding out hope that it was going to work this cycle even without the IUI. This is the first time that my cycle has gone this long but it is also my first medicated cycle and obviously clomid has made my LP (luteal phase) longer. I guess technically clomid did it’s job just not the way that I would like it to and I haven’t decided completely if clomid is my friend or a backstabbing & manipulative drug. Of course I would rather not spot before AF, and I loved having 3 follicles instead of one but I do not like how clomid tricks my mind and body into thinking that it’s pregnant and I hate how long it made this cycle. So now I am anxious to start a new fresh cycle, disappointingly I still have to wait for AF so that I can schedule a baseline ultrasound (normally day 2 or 3 of your cycle) and see if the next cycle is a "go" for more clomid and hopefully a trigger shot and IUI. I have so much faith in this upcoming cycle working; I just hope and pray that all of the emotion and time that my husband I have invested will be worth it at the end of next cycle.

I have always been delighted at the prospect of a new day, a fresh try, one more start, with perhaps a bit of magic waiting somewhere behind the morning ~JB Priestly